I am so in love. Lately I've been thinking about love and marriage and why it is so important to me. I love being married. I always have someone to lean on and to make decisions with. I feel a sense of companionship that I know I wouldn't be able to find anywhere else. I have a best friend and a lover. But I haven't always felt this way.
Our first year of marriage sucked. Getting married at age 18 was very challenging and very scary. I don't think I really knew what I was getting myself into. Drew knew that marriage would be tough and would be a lifelong commitment, which is why he really didn't have a huge desire to get married young. I really didn't think we would last after that first year. Learning to live with someone and trying to establish new relationships with your spouse's family is very hard. When we made it to our first anniversary I remember talking with Drew and almost laughing that we made it through the first year.
Our second year was kind of a mix of emotions. It was really great throughout my pregnancy, but as soon as Grace was born it threw us into this weird funk. I just couldn't get a grip on my anxiety and post-partum depression. It got to a point where I wouldn't even acknowledge Drew when he would walk into the room. In fact, I wouldn't acknowledge him for days and I wouldn't even notice until he would make a comment like, "You know you haven't even looked at me for 3 days, right?" How depressing is that!
I see all of these couples who have just been married and I think, "Gosh, I hope they don't treat their spouse like I treated Drew the first couple of years." It was only a year ago that I figured out that the problem was ME. After going through intensive therapy I really wanted to change. I didn't want to dislike the person that
I chose to marry. Drew has stuck by me. He encouraged me throughout my therapy to let him know how I felt about him, our marriage, and our family. There were a few times where I just let him have it! He took it like a champ, and would hug me and love me throughout it all. After I started making these changes within myself I realized how much I was missing out on.
I am so in love.
I realize that we have years and years ahead. Many of these years will be filled with trials and heartache, but many will also be filled with joy and laughter. I'm glad that I have started fixing myself early on in my marriage because I feel that it will make all of the difference.
